by Zeus Legaspi
Perhaps most parents know that teaching religion, the divine, and the concept of spirituality to growing children is not an easy process. It takes an incredible amount of patience, time, and commitment. And it is not uncommon to hear stories of young people straying from religion.
“If a child holds a belief in someone greater than him, he will develop a conscience. This is something he will bring throughout his life.”
Studies show that the number of people who do not identify with any religion is increasing at a rapid rate. A 2015 Pew Research study on the rise of the Nones, or those who do not identify with any religion, claimed that Generation Z (Gen Z), or those born from 1999 to 2015, is the least religious generation so far. About a third of them have no religion – slightly higher in proportion to that of Millennials and Generation X with 23 percent saying that they are not religious.
This rising trend in irreligiosity is also seen in a 2018 study by the Barna Group, a research firm concerned with spiritual topics. Their study discovered that atheism doubled among Gen Z as the influence of Christianity among Western circles wanes.
In light of these trends among the current generation of teens and young adults, it is imperative that both experienced and first-time parents know how they could instill among their growing children the faith that lasts.
Why is a strong faith important among children?
“If a person has a sense of God [and] fear of the Lord, they will understand that they should not sin,” said Fr. Richard Landig, the parochial vicar of Saint Ignatius of Loyola Parish in Marinduque, Philippines.
“If a child holds a belief in someone greater than him, he will develop a conscience. This is something he will bring throughout his life,” he added.
Dr. Gemma Gosgolan, an expert on Guidance and Counseling and Cosmic Anthropology offered a more comprehensive explanation.
“While children are growing up, they are developing what we would call the superego which is the concept of right and wrong. Faith helps teach children which behaviors are right and wrong which they learn in early development and is seen in their social interaction,” she said, weaving faith with psychological concepts.
“Parents could teach children not to take a toy that does not belong to them not only because ‘Mommy’ will be mad, but because Jesus wants them to become good children. Children already have that concept,” she added.
Gosgolan posits that the concept of sharing has an integral effect on children. “Because there is a Jesus in your life, you can tell children that they have to share because He would want them to share,” she explained.
Noting the need for faith among developing children, here are five parenting tips from faith and counseling experts to help you develop your child’s faith at home.
1. Become positive role models
By inculcating the value of faith and spirituality among kids, it is necessary to embrace and practice those same values yourself.
“A greater portion of faith is being absorbed unconsciously. What they (children) can perceive with their five senses becomes processed in the mind of the child and becomes a part of the process of assimilation. Modeling is important. They learn so much from seeing other people do it,” Gosgolan said.
Assimilation refers to the process of modifying or changing new information to fit into what the mind already knows.
Fr. Landig echoes this claim.
“We cannot give what we don’t have. If you want the children to have faith, you must also have faith. It is a huge thing for children to see that you are leading by example,” he said.
“Actions speak louder than words. Children need to see that their parents are persistent in practicing their faith,” the parochial vicar added.
2. Be there for them
Being physically and emotionally present to attend to your children’s needs contributes much to their concept of faith and spirituality.
“The presence of parents is very important — physical and emotional presence. It is difficult to believe in what you cannot see. That is faith if we define it. We believe and hope in something we do not see. You can’t see it but you hold on to it. So if you believe in God, who is the concrete manifestation that there is a God — that there is something you can believe in and something you can hope for. It is that parent that you can see. You experience the goodness of God through your parents,” Gosgolan claimed.
She added that the kindness and forgiveness that parents extend to their children are mundane representations of God’s loving presence.
“The only persons that would accept you unconditionally are your parents. The presence of parents is important because even if they know how bad your actions are, they will always be there for you,” she advised.
3. Be open to questioning
Children ask a lot of questions. As a parent, it is a must that you provide answers that would satisfy the child’s curiosity without making them feel bad for asking.
“When children are young, whatever their parents teach them about faith, that is all they know. But as they grow older, their views change. It could be because of their environment or the people they interact with,” Fr. Landig said.
It is, therefore, natural for pre-teens or teens to begin questioning or even ‘rebel’ against what they were brought up with. But Gosgolan advises parents to have a ‘listening heart’.
“Parents should be open because if you reprimand them for asking questions, then they will no longer open up. Be open in your listening. Sometimes the tendency of the parent is to rebut; parents have the tendency to assert that they are right and their children are wrong,” she said.
“What I am saying here is, [parents] should have the attitude of being non-judgmental and being open if you want your children to learn about matters of faith,” she explained.
4. It's in the little things
“You do things that you do not know are being picked up by your children,” Gosgolan said on the subconscious side of teaching children faith.
“Faith is coupled with how we live our lives. It is how we bear witness to the goodness of the Lord,” she added.
Gosgolan advised parents to set up a ‘little church’ at home where there are signs and symbols and pair them with religious rituals that could help children understand the sacredness of religious activities.
She mentioned that even reading Scriptures or saying grace with children before a meal with the family could also help hammer down the importance of faith in them.
“If you are doing activities that are faith-related, make sure that the family is together. After all, the family that prays together stays together,” Fr. Landig said.
It is in these little actions that children feel the sanctity of faith which could help them glean insights on how to act accordingly.
5. Be consistent
The old adage, “consistency is key,” is no less true when it comes to anything that involves learning and development, especially in children.
“Children need consistency. Psychologists are one in talking about consistency in terms of dealing with children because it gives them a sense that the world is a stable place,” Gosgolan answered when asked why a unified sense of faith in a household is important among kids.
Consistency in faith development also involves being persistent in practicing the faith as per Fr. Landig, while Dr. Gosgolan noted that consistency in faith is found in being able to stick to your values.
“If they see that there is no dichotomy between what we [adults] practice and what we preach, there would be no confusion,” she explained.
Faith development takes a lifetime
Gosgolan, who is also a parent herself, says that faith development is a lifelong journey. It is reflected in how children would grow up concerned for the welfare of others.
She emphasized the value of upbringing in faith development among children.
“It will always boil down to the kind of upbringing that they (children) had. Their upbringing is what gives meaning to their sense of faith. It gives them a sense of purpose. This is what makes them. What allows them to rise when they have fallen? It’s the faith that they have something to hold on to,” she said.
The guidance counselor added that it is imperative for parents and guardians to reflect as they teach their own children the value of religion.
“How is my faith? Am I just trying to impose it on my children but I am not applying it in my own life? Are there discrepancies in what I tell them and what I do in my life? Ask yourself these reflective questions,” she stated.
Indeed, teaching children the value of spirituality and religion could be a challenge. But with the right mindset as parents and role models, inculcating faith that lasts becomes a tad bit easier.
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